God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow,sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

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Sunday, August 17, 2008

Update

I came across this on someone else's blog and it made my cry. I am still very emotional at times, especially when I see babies and pregnant belly's. I want nothing more then to be pregnant and have a healthy baby. Carter assures me that we will get pregnant again and have a baby, He is the positive one(right now), he is doing okay hanging in there as to be expected. I have my Post-Op appt on Sept the 10th from the D&C.
I want to thank those that check in on us with their comments, prayers and encouragement, you know who you are, Thanks again. As I am trying to check in on my favorites a few times week and comment.
This is my haven that I can come to and express my feeling and thoughts, but right now I am not ready to express them at this point, I don't want to offend or upset anyone that reads with my comments as to what I am feeling emotional. A couple of you that have supported me with the prayers and encouragement know first hand what it is like to experience a miscarriage, I would not wish this on anyone. I was hoping that we would never have to either, but God had other plans for my babies and other plans for us. I am presently reading a devotional book:Grieving the child I never Knew, which is very comforting at times. Please continue to keep us in your prayers if you can spare one more.

Are You Still A Mother?
Are you still a mother if your baby’s not with you? I thought of you and closed my eyes, and prayed to God today.I asked what makes a mother, and I know I heard Him say:
A mother has a baby, This we know is true. But, God, can you be a mother, when your baby’s not with you. Yes, you can He replied, with confidence in His voice. I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime, and others for a day and some I send to feel your womb, but there’s no need to stay I just don’t understand this God, I want my baby here.
He took his breath and cleared his throat, and then I saw a tear. I wish that I could show you what your child is doing today. If you could see your child smile with other children who say we go to earth and learn our lessons of love and life and fear. My mommy loved me oh so much I got to come straight here I feel so lucky to have a mom who had so much love for me I learned my lessons very quickly my mommy set me free I miss my mommy oh so much but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep on her pillows is where I lay I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear“Mommy don’t be sad today I’m your baby and I’m here”So you see my dear sweet one, your children are okay Your babies are here in my home, they’ll be at heavens gate for you. So now you see what makes a mother. Its the feeling in your heart. It’s the love you had so much of right from the very start. Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother until their time is done. They’ll be up here with me one day and you’ll know that you’re the best one.


Forget me not
My little one.
You have left us too soon.
Though my body can no longer hold you.
I hold you forever in my heart.
As precious and beautiful as this flower caught in time.
A mother's love does not forget.

7 comments:

Melanie said...

HI, Jen. I am so sorry this road you are walking right now is so sad and so hard. Do not apologize for what you do not share here with us... when you are ready you will. And, if you never feel you want to share here, that is okay too. What is important is that you rely on God.. both you and Carter.

Continuing to pray...

Hope2morrow said...

Thinking of you, honey. I'm so sorry for your losses.

Kate&CodyWhite said...

Hey Sweetie! Hugs and we are praying for you guys Daily!

Charnè said...

o wow i loved those words!!! thanks for sharing them!!!

and yes i believe with carter that you will be preggies again soon

xxx

Deanna said...

Hang in there, sweet one. One day at a time....

I was thankful to hear that you have the book.... I just talked to another friend who said that it was helpful for her, too. Praying that you will be carried through this journey, each step of the way....

jubilee said...

As a mother who has also lost two babies before they were born (one at 12 weeks and another at eight weeks), I can relate to your grief and I am praying that you feel the peace that I have found.

The peace that passes all understanding. The journey to that peace is different for all of us. The good thing is that the end result is the same for those of us who love the Lord.

I, too, wondered when I lost that first baby if I was "still" a mother. I felt like I was even though I had very short time to experience being a mother.

I found confirmation through my husband who gave me a Mother's Day gift on that first very difficult Mother's Day after we lost the baby.

What also helped was that we named our babies that are now in Heaven and had special certificates made up for each of them. We even talk about them with the three children we have with us now on Earth. Informally, we consider ourselves a family of seven.

Talking with others as often as you need to helps - even when you are afraid they will be uncomfortable or tired of hearing you talk about it. Good friends may not understand, totally, but they will let you talk and cry and shake your fists when you need to.

Praying for you . . .

Janna said...

I know this road is so very hard, and I am praying that God will lessen your grief and give you enormous amounts of comfort with each passing day. I consider myself a mother of 2 angels, and like the poem says, I expect to see them again one day. I don't understand why I had to loss them both, but I think it's something that I will never understand this side of Heaven. I'm praying that you will get pregnant soon with a healthy baby that you can carry to term!!