God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow,sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

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Monday, November 10, 2008

What's an Appropriate answer?

What is the right answer when someone asks you, Do you have any children? What comes to my mind when I get asked that question is no I do not have any earthy children , but I do have babies in heaven. I feel that I was a mom, I carried my babies for 8 weeks, until they were taken home to be with their creator, God our father in heaven.
I am sure when I go into my new position tomorrow I will get asked that question a few times, since they don't know me or my situation.

Please let me know what you think of my question and my response. As I am not sure what I am going to say. I would love to hear what my follower blogging friends would say or response to that if you got asked the same question.


The Petersons said...

I think the easiest thing to say is, "I actually had a miscarriage about 3 months ago" or "I lost my baby recently"- something to that effect. However, I say that as someone who has never lost a child and as someone who is VERY open about my life. If saying those things is too hard to bring up over and over (as you may be asked repeatedly), I think it's completely acceptable to just say, "Not yet" and leave it at that or even say "just one" and don't worry about it unless they ask a little further.

I think the idea of saying "one in heaven" is a beautiful concept. It just might be harder for people to understand at first. I hope that it's not too hard for you to be asked this question repeatedly, but believe that any answer you determine will be appropriate. It's just up to you how much detail you want to go into.

AmandaHoyt said...

Hi Jen,
I have been asked this question as well as the question, "do you have any other children?".
I feel your pain. It took us 18 months to conceive Caitlin and 13 months to conceive Noah Joel. The way I answered this question before Caitlin was different because I'd not had any children yet (at all). I would just say, "we are trying." To the most recent questions posed to me, I have answered with, "yes, I have a baby in heaven. I lost him in March." When people asked me this question one or two months after the loss, I actually didn't even answer because I would break down in tears if I spoke of it. Now, I feel that I cannot keep quiet. I know that Noah was alive and that he died. He is one of my children. At work it may be hard to share your loss with others, but if you feel that you can, I would. It will give your coworkers a window into your soul that they will not get otherwise. You may meet other women who've been through the same thing and they can be a support to you. If you feel you cannot share, I would just say, "we are trying." I hope I helped you in some way. I hurt for you and I pray for you and your husband. I hope tomorrow, the first day at your new job, is fun and happy. I hope you have restful night (try to sleep!) and leave all your worries at His feet.

Jim and April said...

i have been wondering the same thing! I want to tell people that yes I have four but they are in heaven...but then I wonder if they dont want to know all the personal details...????

jubilee said...

After my first miscarriage I answered, "One in Heaven." Usually no one pressed me for details.
After our second child was born, I didn't mention the one we already had in Heaven. I figured that it might make the person asking uncomfortable. I didn't feel that my not acknowledging our little one in Heaven took anything away from the situation, it just made it easier so no one would ask about details.

Melanie said...

This is the hardest question for me... I am one to TELL EVERYONE that I miscarried. I just feel that EVERYONE has to know. When Im asked I say I was pregnant and miscarried in March and he is now in Heaven with my Heavenly Father but we are trying again :)

Hope2morrow said...

I think you have to do what is most comfortable for you, but I love the suggestions others have offered. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I always struggle with this too. I usually tell people not yet and try to leave it at that without going into too much detail.